Sis, Pop the Balloon!

All my single ladies, we absolutely need to talk. There’s so much going on in your community that concerns me and we need to talk before it’s too late. Let me explain.

I know many disqualify me because I’m married. You may say I can’t relate because I found my forever love. Maybe I don’t know what it’s like to be single in today’s dating scene. Some of your assumptions might be true… but I would still listen to me, and here’s why:

1. Hello, I made it out of the dating hunger games. I’m married and happily married at that. I’d want advice from someone who has achieved what I’m trying to achieve.

2. Happily married deserves its own point. Simply being married isn’t the goal. I actually like my husband, and he’s obsessed with me (as he should be lol).

3. I was single and making mistakes once too. Experience is a teacher. Wouldn’t you rather learn from someone else’s pain instead of your own?

Stop Settling

Please stop settling. I understand it feels like the pickings are slim, but that doesn’t mean lower your standards. I don’t believe in that “women are the prize” nonsense. Marriage is two becoming one, a valuable man joining with a valuable woman.

If you walked into a dealership and all they had was a car without an engine, would you buy it? Absolutely not. What sense does it make to have a car in your driveway that can’t take you from point A to point B?

Exactly. None.

Expand Your Pond

The pickings may feel small, but maybe it’s your pond. Maybe you’re only seeing what’s directly in front of you. Go swimming somewhere else.

There are billions of people on this earth. Your husband may not go to your church, work at your job, or live on your block. You think you’re gonna find him sitting in your house? Girl, go outside.

Go enjoy the things you love. Christian concerts, coffee shops, bowling, events. Someone may find you there.

And let’s be real. Why are we trusting God for money, jobs, houses, healing, opportunities, and blessings… but acting like He suddenly ran out of godly men?

If He can provide acres and a mule, He can provide you a husband worth committing to.

Set Real Standards

Set your standards and stick to them. Not the flimsy ones that get tossed around in the wind, “six figures, six feet, six-pack”, but the foundational ones.

• What’s his character like?

• Is he honest?

• Faithful?

• Generous?

• Compassionate?

• A good listener?

• Able to communicate?

• And the most fundamental: Is he following Jesus?

A man’s walk with God shows up in his humility, teachability, and his ability to be held accountable. Ask yourself: If God spoke to him, would he hear Him and obey? How can you expect him to lead your home if he’s not being led by God?

Watch the Fruit, Not the Fantasy

“When he shows you who he is, believe him.”

If his track record shows he’s a liar, sis… that man will lie when it matters most. If he refuses to claim you publicly, he might be the same man who takes off his ring when he leaves the house.

Dating is the time to evaluate the values you want to build your future on. There’s a difference between a red flag and a challenge, learn the difference. And remember what Jesus said:“

You will know them by their fruits.” Matthew 7:16

Not their potential. Not their charisma. Not their promises. Their fruit.

A Real-Life Example

There was a time my husband, then boyfriend, missed about ten calls from me when I locked myself out of my car. He was off that day and I needed help. I was frustrated because I needed to know my “emergency contact” could actually show up in an emergency.

He did come and rescue me, but that’s not the point. From that day forward, he made an adjustment. Not because I nagged. Not because I demanded. He simply turned his notifications on loud in case I ever needed him. Years later, he still does this. Consistently. It showed me he could listen, apply change, and follow through.

Learn From What You Ignore

I can remember times I ignored things I had no business ignoring, little comments, inconsistencies, behavior that didn’t match the words. Things I felt in my spirit but explained away because I didn’t want to start over.

Sis, hear me:

Every time I ignored a red flag, I paid for it later.

Every. Single. Time.

And I don’t want that for you.

Marriage Doesn’t Fix — It Reveals

Dating is not a scavenger hunt for “potential.” It’s an evaluation of patterns, fruit, and character. A man’s patterns preach louder than his promises.

Let me help you:

• If he can’t communicate now, marriage won’t fix that.

• If he’s inconsistent now, marriage won’t make him steady.

• If he’s selfish now, marriage won’t make him sacrificial.

• If he’s ignoring God now, marriage won’t make him a spiritual leader.

Marriage magnifies what’s already there. It’s not a magic wand. It’s a mirror.

Pop the Balloon

Stop trying to build a husband out of a situationship.

Stop giving wife-level loyalty to men who haven’t earned your trust.

Stop auditioning for men who haven’t even applied for the role.

You are not hard to love.

You are not asking for too much.

You are asking the wrong man.

Sis, pop the balloon, the fantasy version of him you created in your head, so you can see the reality of who he actually is.

Because when you see clearly, you can choose clearly.

And when God sends the right man? Peace comes with him. Consistency comes with him. Honor comes with him. And you won’t have to question if he’s serious, you’ll know.

You Don’t Just Want a Husband

Let me leave you with this, sis:

You don’t just want a husband. You want a good husband.

One who loves you, leads you, covers you, prays for you, protects you, and is actually enjoyable to be around.

Being married is not the end-all be-all. Marriage is a ministry. It’s work. It’s partnership. It’s purpose. There is an entire life after the wedding day.

If you rush into marriage just to say you’re married, you might end up rushing to finalize a nasty divorce. And I refuse to let you settle for that kind of story.

Be patient. Be wise. Be led. God’s best for you is worth the wait.